


Tough Little Boys

by parkrstark



Category: Castle
Genre: 5 Things, Angst, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kevin Ryan!Whump, Minor Character Death, Questionable parenting from Kevin's dad, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-06 01:25:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11025681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: 5 times Kevin Ryan never cried and one time he did.





	Tough Little Boys

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't plan on writing this but I was listening to Tough Little Boys by Gary Allen and I wrote this last night. It just kept spewing out. Like word vomit.

_**1.** _

Kevin knew it was stupid. He knew it was stupid before he was in danger. He knew it was stupid the second that Aiden suggested the idea.

But he was just a kid. Kids were allowed to do stupid things so they could laugh about it years later and say, "What did I know? I was a dumb kid!"

In his apartment, playing on the fire escape was forbidden. His Ma always told him that a fall from 8 stories high would kill him. Or leave him wishing it did. So he never stepped foot on their fire escape at home.

But Aiden's was only a story high. And the railings made the perfect track for their racecars. It should have been perfectly safe for him and Aiden to race their cars for a few minutes, comes inside eat dinner and then he would head back home. His ma would never even know.

So they played around for a few minutes and nothing went wrong. Kevin took this as a sign that if nothing bad had happened yet, nothing would ever happen.

Again, he was a pretty dumb kid.

"Aiden," he said to his friend. "You wanna race our cars down the steps? Winner gets the bigger piece of cake."

Aiden grinned right back and nodded his head. Both little boys grabbed their cars and started to climb up the stairs that would eventually lead to the upstairs neighbor's escape. They stopped halfway and placed their cars on opposite railings.

"Ready," Kevin started.

"Set," Aiden said next.

"Go!" Both boys exclaimed at once. And they let go of their cars.

Unfortunately, the cars didn't want to stay on the track. After a second, Kevin noticed his car was bound to fall off and would crash to the ground below. So he ran down the stairs to catch it before it fell.

His car fell before Kevin was even close to reaching it but Kevin wasn't worried about that. He was more worried about himself after his foot tripped on one of the stairs and went flying over the side of the fire escape.

He tried to grab at the railing but his arms were too short. He screamed out for Aiden to help but his friend's arms were just as little and no matter how far he stretched, he couldn't reach. "Kevin!" He screeched loudly.

A second later, Kevin smacked hard into the metal top of a dumpster. The first thing he noticed was a roar of pain from the arm he landed on. It hurt more than anything Kevin had ever felt before. Even more than the time Kevin needed stitches after jumping on his bed and falling into the corner of his dresser.

All the screaming caught the attention of Aiden's mother and she rushed out the window yelling her son's name. She grabbed him by the shoulders when he was practically leaning over the edge. She pushed him back and then looked down at Kevin.

"Kevin!" She sounded frantic. "It's okay, baby, I'm coming!" She was immediately climbing down the steep stairs and rushing to his aid. She jumped onto the dumpster and pulled him into her arms.

She was cradling him and whispering softly that it was going to be okay.

But he wasn't crying. It was only a little bit of pain that he could handle. If his dad had been here, he'd say, "You're still breathing, boy. Stand up and walk it off!"

Crying wouldn't take away any of the pain.

So he held his arm close to his chest, trying not to look at how it was bent at a weird angle. Aiden's mom never let go of him, crying steadily, until they reached the hospital.

His dad was there by the time the doctor had fit him for a cast. It was a dark blue and looked pretty cool. When he went back to school, he could show all of his friends and show them how he'd fallen off the fire escape and lived to tell the tale.

"I heard you were playing on the escape," his father said, looking his son up and down.

Kevin frowned and shrunk his shoulders. "Sorry, Da."

His father sat down on the hospital bed and said, "Maybe next time you'll listen to your mother, huh?"

Kevin nodded his head quietly, knowing he had disappointed his dad. He looked back up at him and whispered, "I won't do it again."

His father pulled him into a one-armed hug and rubbed his good arm. "We all gotta learn our lessons somehow, son." He pulled away and looked down at him. "Besides, I heard you didn't even shed one tear."

Kevin shook his head and watched his father smile.

"That's my boy." He ruffled his hair. "I didn't raise a little baby. My son is a man, as tough as they come."

Kevin found himself smiling, not sure why his dad was proud that he hadn't cried. He didn't want to point out that he technically wasn't a man. He was only 8 years old.

"Are you proud of me, Da?" Kevin asked in a small voice.

"'Course I am, Kev. I don't know many boys that could take a fall like that without crying even a bit."

"But I didn't," Kevin insisted proudly. If only he'd always known how easy it was to please his father.

"No, you didn't. Men don't cry."

 

_**2.** _

"Hey, fag, I'm talking to you!"

Kevin paid no attention to Jason as he continued down the hall. There were enough kids walking to their classes that he could hopefully get lost in the crowd.

But before he could make it, there was a hand grabbing his shoulder roughly. He was spun around to face his brute of a bully. Jason had chosen to pick on Kevin exclusively after he stopped him from shoving a tiny freshman into a garbage can last month.

"When I'm talkin' to you, don't fucking walk away from me," Jason snarled, grabbing the collar of Kevin's sweater and pulling him close.

Kevin rolled his eyes. Typical bully. Using his bigger body and foul language to try and seem tough.

"You think you're such a tough guy, huh?" Jason shook him slightly. "Maybe we need to take another visit to the dumpster again."

"There's a clogged toilet up on the second floor with his name on it," Daniel, one of Jason's little friends, piped in.

Jason smirked and said, "I think that's exactly what he needs."

Then Jason was gripping one arm tightly and Daniel had the other. Kevin struggled to get out of their grip, hoping someone would notice and help him. But either they didn't see or they learned from Kevin's mistake and knew not to get between Jason and one of beatings.

As they ascended the stairs, Kevin tried to make himself a dead weight between the two. But they were both on the Varsity Wrestling team. They easily lifted him so his feet dragged on the floor.

When they were in the dirty restroom, Kevin planted his feet on the tiled floor, trying to stop them from shoving him close to the stall. "Jason, c'mon," he said between gasps of breath as he struggled. "You don't have to do this. Please."

Jason laughed above him as he shoved him to his knees in front of the toilet. He winced at the pain but continued to give Jason and Daniel a hard time. When his head got close to the bowl, he shot his hands out to grab the seat to push back.

Jason was behind him, his knees around Kevin's back to keep him from moving anymore. He paused his shoving and said, "I think I like hearing you beg. Do it again and maybe I'll stop."

Kevin took a deep breath but didn't say a word. He pushed back on Jason's grip.

Jason moved a hand into his hair and growled into his ear. "Beg or else when you go under, you won't come back up."

Kevin gritted his teeth but said, "Please let me go, Jason."

Jason paused and for a moment, Kevin thought he was going to listen. But he was just as stupid as he was as a kid and Jason only laughed louder. "Nah."

And as the rough hand in his hair went back to shoving his face dangerously close to the dirty water, Kevin realized something. No matter what Jason was doing to him, he always reacted the same way: with a laugh. He'd stare down at Kevin, laugh and then walk away.

All Jason ever really wanted was for Kevin to be humiliated and get a good laugh from it. And if Kevin continued to let Jason push him around and shove his head in pissy toilets, he'd never get rid of him.

He needed to be the one to end it.

"Fuck you, you fucking coward," he grunted with an inch left before his head was submerged underwater.

The pushing stopped immediately. "What'd you just say?"

Kevin smirked. "You heard me."

Jason whirled him around and lifted them up to their feet. Kevin didn't like being shoved against the stall wall, his feet a few inches off the ground, but it was better than swimming in pee.

"You think you're funny?" Jason slammed him against the wall.

Kevin just smiled at him, loving the way it angered Jason.

"You little pussy, I'm gonna kill you." He threw Kevin out of the stall and he crashed into the bathroom wall. Jason stalked over to him and leaned over him. "Daniel, shut the fucking door."

As scared as Kevin was, he just kept grinning right back. He wouldn't let Jason see how he got to him. "What's wrong, Jason? You look a little upset. Did you fail another math test? I heard if you fail too many of those, you're off the wrestling--."

That's when the beating started. It started with just a few punches but the more sarcastic comments Kevin gave him, the more punches he received. He stopped after a dozen more to catch his breath.

Kevin's head fell into a suspicious looking puddle as Jason let go of his collar. Kevin felt one eye already swelling up and he spit out a wad of blood. "Is this how you get your rocks off?" Kevin asked, his voice weak. "By picking on the little guys? Hey, at least you know you can win these fights unlike when you're in the ring. So you win, is that what you want? You want to at least beat up someone without getting your ass handed right back to you?"

Jason glared down at him. "You don't know shit."

"I like to think I do know a little more than shit," Kevin replied, pushing himself up to his elbows. "Now, if you're done with your tantrum, I have a class to get to." Kevin shoved the stunned teen off him.

"Wait, you can't just walk away from me, you fucking piece of shit!" Jason yelled but he didn't make a move to get up.

"But it looks like I am." Kevin winked at him and then when Daniel went to jump him, he shoved him against the door. "Touch me and you'll be the one in the toilet."

Kevin knew he had to have looked half insane as growled at him. His face all bloody and swollen. Daniel backed away from him without a word. He grinned smugly and walked out of the bathroom, ignoring the threats from Jason about how he was really going to get it later.

The minute he was out in the hall and the door was shut behind him, he let his shoulders sag. He face was just a mess of pain. From his split lip to his swollen eye. He was going to look like Hulk Hogan's personal punching bag for the next few weeks.

But no matter how much it hurt to even blink or move his lips, he didn't let a tear fall.

And he told his dad as much when he got home. His mother didn't like to see her son beaten up so badly but his father was proud to know he didn't let the bully knock him around and make him cry.

"He's our boy, Clara. Our boy is one tough man. He can take a few punches, ain't that right, Kev?"

Kevin smiled proudly at him, his white teeth stained with his blood. "Right, Da."

As the next few years of high school passed, Kevin found himself on the wrong end of a bully's fist a plenty of times. But no matter how much it ever hurt, he took it and only gave them a grin back.

Bullies didn't have the strength to make him cry, no matter how strong they liked to show Kevin they were.

 

**_3._ **

Kevin heard the knock at his door but he chose to ignore it. He wasn't in the mood to speak to anyone for the rest of his stupid life.

"Kevin," his father called in after he opened the door anyway.

Kevin didn't move from his spot on his bed. He continued to stare at the wall and hope his dad left him alone. But of course, he didn't.

"What happened?" He asked, his voice low but strong.

"I broke up with Marissa," he mumbled, not turning to face his father.

"I thought you were going to ask her to prom?" His father asked, a frown evident in his voice.

"Yeah, I was. Until I found out she was seeing someone on the side." Kevin felt ashamed to even admit it to his father

"Hey, now, come on." He put a hand on his shoulder. "Girl like that ain't nothing to get upset over."

"Da, you don't understand. We were together for seven months...I thought maybe we had something special." Kevin rolled over to meet his father's eyes, hoping he wouldn't be disappointed in him. He could expect him to be upset that his son had let his girlfriend cheat on him.

"You're gonna have to suffer through a few heartbreaks before you find your one great love, kid."

"I know, but I didn't think it would hurt like this…" He trailed off, staring up at his father.

"She ain't worth crying over. None of them are, Kevin."

Kevin let his eyes fall shut.

"Don't ever cry over a girl. No matter how much you think you love her or how blue her eyes or how blonde her curls are."

"I'm not crying," Kevin sighed, knowing his father meant well but didn't really want to deal with it right now.

"I know. I'm just saying so," he said. "Sit up and call one of your friends. Go see a movie, get your mind off her."

"I just want to be left alone. Can you please go?"

"You're not going to get over her by laying on your bed, moping like a baby." He gave Kevin's arm a firm pat.

"Da," Kevin said, his voice held warning to drop it.

"Fine, I understand." His father sighed and stood up. He walked back towards the door and said hesitantly, "Kevin."

Kevin turned his head until his cheek was pressed against the pillow. "Yeah?"

"Feel better, will ya', kid," he said in a voice softer than he'd heard his dad use a while.

Kevin smiled at him. "Of course, Da, I'm as tough as they come."

 

 

_**4.** _

So apparently, Kevin wasn't only stupid as a kid but he was stupid as an adult too.

He and Esposito were only supposed to be looking into a lead and Castle thought it would be fun to tag along because this case was interesting to him.

It was only interesting because of the way the victims were killed. They were tortured in a way that usually meant a crime of passion but there was a string of random people.

Of course, Castle got himself excited over the serial killers.

The excitement died away when they came face to face with their serial killer. And they found out there was no rhyme or reason to his victims. He was just a good old fashioned case of insane.

And he'd chosen his next victim to be the youngest member of their team.

They'd been tied up for at least two hours. Castle and Esposito were well past yelling, now pleading and begging.

Kevin was taking it all. He wouldn't give this man any satisfaction.

He was dangling from the ceiling with only the chains around his wrists keeping him up. There was blood covering him from head to toe with a lot of bruises to match.

The scary part was that this man didn't want anything from them. He wouldn't stop after they told him information he needed to know or after they promised to give something he wanted.

No, he was going to town on Kevin just because he liked to inflict pain.

"Isn't this so much fun?" He cackled, dragging his bloody knuckles across Castle's cheek.

"You're stupid. You must be," Castle said, pulling away from his touch. "There's no other good explanation for hurting him like this in front of his partner. I mean, maybe if you kept yourself masked or something so he wouldn't be able to find you as easily. But you're actually showing your face and I can promise when we get out, this guy over here, the one growling, is going to kill you. He'd wrestle blindfolded with a tiger for his partner. And you're just a weak little man. No chance."

The man laughed hysterically. "Me, weak?" He shook his head. "No, no, no. Irish is the weak one. I'm doing you both a favor. Now you won't have him holding you back all the time! De nada!"

"Have you ever wondered what your insides look like because soon I'm going to be ripping them out," Esposito jerked on the chains tying him to the chair.

The man turned away from them like he hadn't even heard him. He picked up things from his pile of torture instruments and said, "Bat or torch?"

Kevin was happy he threw the torch down and stepped forward with the bat. He'd take broken bones over fire to his skin any day.

"You think he's like a piñata? Wonder if he's full of candy." He pulled the bat back and swung forward with a whoosh. It was hardly a second before the bat connected to his stomach with a sickening crunch.

Ryan gasped in pain. He probably would have yelled if the wind wasn't knocked out of him.

"Stop it, you sick fuck!" Esposito screamed, his eyes wild as they looked at him.

The only time Kevin had seen him like this was with Lockwood. While Kevin was being tortured and Esposito forced to watch.

Except for this time, at least to Kevin, was more painful.

Castle was screaming as well, his voice pained Kevin to hear since the writer was usually so strong. Esposito had trusted Kevin enough to break down a few times in front of him. But not Castle.

"S'okay, Castle," Kevin mumbled. "I'm-." He was cut off when the bat smashed his ribs once, twice, three times.

The force of the bat had him spinning in small circles and he felt close to throwing up. Maybe the next time that creep came close to him.

"You have to want something," Castle yelled. "Everyone wants _something._ Just tell us. I have money," he said frantically, "Lots of money. And it's all yours if you just stop hurting him."

He lowered the bat and pouted. "Aw, but where's the fun in that? Maybe if you give me enough, I'll let you pick which finger he can keep."

Esposito screamed out a few words in Spanish that he always refused to translate for Kevin.

"You're so adorable," was all he said back. Then he turned and picked up the torch he dropped minutes earlier. Kevin silently begged him to pick the bat back up.

"An' I thought I was the dumb one," Kevin mumbled, his speech slightly slurred from a probable concussion. "My par'ner is gonna kill you. Cas'le pretty scary too. I'm his shadow. Cas'le Jr." Kevin wasn't sure why he was sharing this with the crazed man but it felt like the right thing to say.

"I think your little friends just wanna see you dance." He kneeled down and started to untie his shoes. He threw them to the wall and pulled off his socks as well. Kevin kicked him in the face the moment he could.

The man fell over but came right back up looking angry. He was mumbling under his breath as he flicked on the torch, a blue flame now coming out.

"Dance, baby, dance," he sang bringing the fire closer to his foot.

There was a searing hot pain immediately but Kevin didn't move. He wouldn't give this guy want he wanted. He'd held out the entire night, he wouldn't start giving up now.

"Move your damn feet!" Esposito yelled at him in a pleading voice.

Kevin shook his head.

The pain moved from one foot to the next as the torch was moved around. The smell of burning flesh had him gagging.

"Kevin!" Now Castle was begging him to do something.

Kevin shook his head again.

"I'll get you to dance for us one way or another," he said below him. He kept the torch still, so the pain stayed in one spot and offered him no relief.

Kevin stayed still as long as possible but before long, he was jerking his foot away from the flame. And once he started, he couldn't stop.

The insane man had put the torch away and Kevin was still bending his feet against his bottom. He laughed at him again.

"Alright, alright, no more." He searched around his pocket. "Let's see what fun can come next." He pulled out a pair of pliers and grinned. Like he was playing some sort of carnival game.

He twirled them in his bloody fingers and said, "Ooh, this will be fun." He straightened up again and roughly grabbed Kevin's cheeks.

Kevin struggled but his face was already hurt enough that he couldn't fight as hard as he'd like to. The man pried open his jaw and wedged the the pliers in his mouth.

Kevin grunted and kicked his feet, desperately trying to get him away. But he was already close to unconsciousness.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, boy. It won't take long. Maybe I'll even let you keep a few." He cooed as he grabbed onto one of his teeth with the pliers.

Castle and Esposito were both screaming wildly and even Kevin was yelling at him, not caring about 'giving in' when he was seconds from getting his teeth ripped from his gum.

"1, 2, 3…" Kevin flinched, ready for even more pain but a round of bullets in the air saved him. The man crumpled to his knees in front of Kevin, holding a hand to his stomach. "Wha-?"

"NYPD!" A familiar voice screamed, sounding like an angel walking on earth. Behind Beckett, a few SWAT members came rushing in. They ran to the crumpled form of their perp.

Two men untied the knots on Castle and Esposito's wrists so they could jump to their feet and rush to Kevin. Beckett was already there, asking to see if he was okay.

Esposito grabbed his gun that had landed on the floor in their earlier scuffle and shot up at the chain attached to the ceiling. It fell down and Castle was quick to catch Ryan before he did too.

"Ow," Kevin moaned as Castle grabbed him.

"I'm sorry," Castle apologized.

Esposito turned to the man that had been torturing his partner for hours and grinned down at him. "Told you we'd win. We always do."

Before the SWAT members hauled him to his feet, Esposito pressed his feet boot to his gunshot wound, enjoying the cry of pain it elicited from the from the man.

Esposito then turned back to Ryan just as Castle was settling him on his feet. "Ow, ow, ow," he said the moment his feet touched the floor.

"Shit," Castle cursed, remembering the burns on the bottoms of Ryan's feet. He pulled Ryan up and supported most his weight.

Esposito hurried over and grabbed the other side of Ryan. Ryan breathed a little easier was they kept him suspended between them.

"Let's get you outta here, partner."

Kevin nodded his head immediately. As they were walking towards the door, Kevin spoke before he was afraid of passing out, "He was wrong."

"Hmm?" Esposito grunted as he continued to half carry Kevin.

"He was wrong 'bout me," Kevin clarified. "I'm not weak. Didn't cry once. I'm pre'y damn tough."

Esposito laughed in surprise. "Yeah, partner, you're pretty damn tough."

 

**_5._ **

It all started the night when Kevin got the phone call. It was past the end of their shift but the particular case they were working on needed extra hours to get finished. So the team was packed around a table sharing two pizzas.

Kevin's phone rang when he was in the middle of laughing at something Castle was saying. He pulled out his phone, saying maybe it had something to do with the case and answered it.

Javier watched as his partner listened to the voice on the other end say something that wiped the smile right off Kevin's face.

"Um, yeah, sure," Kevin said, a few long seconds later. "Can you give me the date and time?"

Esposito shoved over a paper and pen for his partner. He picked up the pen and started to scribble down words.

"And it's being held at Redden's, correct?" His pen paused briefly over the paper. He nodded and then wrote that down.

Javier frowned. The only Redden's he knew about was Redden's Funeral Home.

Kevin hung up his phone and dropped his phone on the table. He ran a tired hand through his hair and went quiet.

Javier reached out to rub his back softly. "It's, uh, my Da… he passed away this afternoon."

Javier kept an eye on him the next few days. He stayed in closer touch with Jenny than usual to see how he was doing.

He hadn't seen Kevin break down at the news yet but he could imagine it had to be coming soon.

Two days after he got the call, they had the service early in the morning. Esposito, Castle, and Beckett walked in looking for Kevin. He was sitting up front with Jenny but wasn't near the casket.

They approached him and offered him big hugs that, just like they knew he would, he held onto tightly. "Thanks for coming," he mumbled after he had gotten his three hugs.

"Of course, Kevin," Beckett said softly, rubbing his arm.

"Is your Ma around?" Castle asked.

Kevin nodded, pointing towards the collage of pictures in the front of the room. Castle and Beckett gave Kevin one more hug before they left to see his mother.

Esposito knew his partner well enough to know he didn't want to talk. So he took a seat on the other side of him and waited until Kevin needed him.

Ryan hardly moved unless family came over to offer their condolences. Some Esposito knew and others he had never seen. But they acted like they were best buds with Ryan and his family.

Esposito saw Kevin's sisters and gave them big hugs. Colleen held onto him tightly and whispered in his ear before letting go, "Please keep an eye on him, Javi."

Esposito nodded and would keep that promise. He sat by Kevin's side all night long as he remained uncharacteristically silent.

Finally, when just about everyone except for Kevin's immediate families (by blood and from the 12th) had gone, Esposito asked him quietly, "You wanna go say something before we have to leave."

Ryan hesitated but nodded his head. Esposito looked over at Jenny and she gave a short nod. He turned back to Ryan and kept a hand on his elbow as he led him to the casket.

Esposito kept an eye on Kevin's face as they got closer. His blue eyes were wide and once they saw his father, he let out a shaky breath.

Esposito squeezed his arm to show he was here and then turned to look at the elder Ryan himself. He had met the man plenty of times before. He wasn't cruel but if it weren't for the blue eyes and the same facial features, Esposito would have never guessed he was his partner's dad.

Kevin was a big ball of sunshine. He was hugs and laughs and smiles and dorky jokes and nerdy trivia and ugly ties.

Kevin's father was cold and closed off.

Esposito always knew Kevin had a mixed relationship with his father. From the stories Kevin had told him for his childhood, Esposito would have guessed that over time he would have grown to hate the man. But the hatred never came. Kevin always spoke proudly of his father.

"He looks so different," Kevin spoke for the first time that night.

Esposito wasn't sure what to say but he knew his partner appreciated physical contact as a way of comfort more than words so he kept himself pressed against his shoulder.

Kevin shut his eyes a few seconds later and started to whisper words under his breath. After a few seconds, Esposito realized he was praying.

Esposito let his partner speak softly to God and then his father before saying his own goodbyes. "We didn't talk a lot but I never got the chance to thank you for raising such an incredible man."

Kevin smiled up at him and by now, Esposito expected a few tears to fall but his eyes were dry. In a small whisper, Esposito said, "It's okay to cry, you know. He's your dad."

Kevin's smile faltered slightly and he looked down at his father. He shook his head. "Men don't cry. It's okay, it's what he would have wanted."

Esposito frowned at his partner. Kevin always went on about being "tough" in front of his dad and somehow Kevin thought the logic of that was to simply not cry.

Usually, Esposito humored him but now he couldn't let it go. If Kevin wanted to cry at his father's funeral, then he should be allowed to.

"Kev, no one's going to shun you if a few tears fall. Hell, if this were anyone else in your family, I'd be balling like a baby. No offense," he added quickly, looking down at Ryan's father.

"I just don't need to cry," Kevin said. "Not because I can't but because I just don't feel it." Placing a hand on his dad's arm, he said, "He knows I love him."

Esposito didn't say anything and Kevin patted his hand. "I'm okay, Javi. Really."

Of course, his partner was okay. No matter how much honey-milk he drank snuggling with his wife, Kevin was one tough cookie.

 

_**+1** _

The moment Kevin saw their red Charger pull up, he jumped into the car. "Hurry, go down this block and take a left."

Esposito, being the great partner he was, didn't ask any questions before he sped down the street. But that didn't mean he stayed silent the entire time. "Bro, what's wrong? Who are we chasing?"

Kevin was staring out the window, keeping his eyes peeled in front of him. He didn't say anything.

"Kev, seriously, is everything okay?" He stole a quick glance at him as he turned the car. "Should I be looking for something?"

"Yeah, a big yellow bus."

Esposito sputtered as he slowed down back under the speed limit. "Dude, we better not be chasing your daughter's school bus."

"Javi," Kevin said.

Esposito pulled over and turned to face him. "Don't 'Javi' me with those puppy dog eyes. You and Jenny agreed to let Sarah take the bus so something like _this_ didn't happen."

"Please, Jen won't know. I just need to see her one last time. She's my baby girl."

Esposito rolled his eyes. "C'mon, stop being so dramatic. She's going to kindergarten, not hell."

"It'll only take a few minutes, Javi, and then we can head to work."

Esposito sighed and started the car back up. "Fine. But if your wife finds out, I'm telling her you held me hostage."

"That's fair. Now hurry up before we lose her."

Esposito drove towards the school and when they couldn't find the bus, Kevin thought they'd lost it along its route. But then, they saw a bus pulling out from a side street in front of them.

"Bus 611, that's her!" Kevin said, leaning forward.

Esposito nodded and pressed a little harder on the accelerator. They followed the bus all the way to the front of her school. It pulled up in front and Esposito pulled up just behind it, hoping no other buses would be pulling in soon.

"You have 5 minutes, Daddy," Esposito said.

Kevin nodded and jumped out the car. He watched as the toddlers all hesitantly stepped out off of the bus. He didn't run forward until he saw a familiar blonde head of hair.

A bus monitor grabbed his arm but he quickly explained himself, "My daughter. She's my daughter."

Sarah Grace heard her father's voice and her head whipped to face him. "Daddy!" She called, running out of line.

Kevin caught her in his arms and pulled her in for a hug. "Hey, SG."

"What are you doing here? Are you coming to school with me?" She asked softly.

He cupped her cheeks in his hands and said, "No, baby, I just had to say goodbye again and get another kiss."

She smiled and pecked his lips. "I'll miss you, too, Daddy."

Kevin smiled at her, feeling his eyes burn slightly. "I'm going to see you soon. Before you know it, you'll be back on the bus coming home to Mommy and Daddy."

Sarah smiled with a nod. "I know, Daddy." She paused to use her little thumbs to wipe under his eyes. "You're the one crying."

Kevin used his own hand to feel his wet cheeks. He hadn't even realized the tears had started to fall. He could practically hear his father's voice in his head. " _Don't ever cry over a girl. No matter how much you think you love her or how blue her eyes or how blonde her curls are."_

Kevin smiled. _Oh, Da, if you ever had the chance to meet my little girl, you'd be crying over her too._

Sarah looked over his shoulder and asked, "Is that Uncle Javi?"

Kevin nodded, sniffling softly. "Yeah, we're heading to work now."

"He's gonna see you crying," she said, seriously.

Kevin gave her one more hug and said, "It's okay. Sometimes Daddy just needs to cry. I think Uncle Javi will understand."

She was happy with that answer and gave him another kiss before saying goodbye. "I have to catch up with the line. I'll see you after school. Bye, Daddy."

"See you soon, baby girl." Kevin stood up and watched her run off. She turned back before disappearing through the gates to blow him a kiss. He caught it with one hand and brought it close to his heart.

When Kevin sat back in the car, Esposito looked at him with a smirk. "Are you crying?"

He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hands. "Don't start anything, you'd be crying too if you were out there."

"Which is why I'm in here," Esposito said with a soft smile. "Now, c'mon, we'll take the long way to the precinct so Castle won't know you cried in your Cheerios this morning."

"Shut up," Kevin said, although he was smiling.

"Dude, by the way, next time, I don't suggest running into a group of kids looking like a crazy man. You're lucky that bus monitor didn't pull a knife on you. Then you'd _definitely_ be crying."

Kevin smack his arm lightly. "Shut up, I'm not a baby."

"Nope," Esposito agreed. "You're only a baby when it comes to _your_ baby."

 

_"When tough little boys grow up to be dads,_

_they turn into big babies again..."_

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think. 
> 
> Thank you for reading+reviewing!
> 
> Until next time,


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